I’ve been anxious, I’ve been avoidant. I recommend getting a hobby.

In lieu of numerous recent transitions in her personal life, festering seeds of uncertainty, jadedness and even heart break. We sat down with our editor Kennedy to get an insider on how to move forward in the face of adversity.

1.) It's been quite a long summer for you. Recent grad, new job, loss of some things, gaining of others, how have you navigated the change(s)?

Honestly, I’m not certain if navigated is even the right term for how I’ve handled anything ever. My approach is more aligned with scrapping by on hope that things will get better in due time, in which my tendency to think myself into emotional turmoil can convince me that that is not true. Nevertheless, a large part of me being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel is allowing the love from others to guide me back to the love I have for myself. As anyone could imagine, going through so much change at once can make you question who you are. I often grappled with the question of what space I wanted to occupy in the world and how I would get there. Ultimately, feeling completely disconnected from the person I once knew myself to be.

Most days, I really just wanted to stay in my bed, throw my phone away, and hide. Unfortunately, that was not an option, and truthfully, not even a valid consideration. I suppose that is the downside of being a grown-up with real grown-up things to handle; you always have to face the real world. This requirement to go out and interact with others, whether that be talking with my coworkers or sharing small smiles with passersbyer’s, I realized that what I really needed was connection and community. The mind is a funny place because when you are going through a hard time, it seems to only make things worse, convincing you that you are completely alone in the experience you are facing. The best part about our humanity is that nothing is unique to us; every emotion you feel is one that has been felt across time. Every challenge you deal with is one that has been conquered before.

Holding that true to my heart allowed me to get out of the idea that no one has ever experienced the same depth of emotions that made me want to disappear. Acknowledging my suffering as a contributor to what makes me human pushed me to connect and depend on my community, where I found many of us were dealing with a similar battle of self. My village loved me not only back to who I was, but who I am meant to be. I am forever changed by the tenderness and care they extended and continue to extend upon me.

2.)Going through change can often result in feelings of a lack of control. Were there any ways change was self-enacted as a means of gaining the control you saw slipping from your fingers back?

Absolutely. I am a control freak; everything always needs to be going according to plan. When I am not in control, I tend to spiral, often making rash or impulsive decisions to create the certainty I feel is missing. My thought process is: “Well, if I can’t control other aspects of my life, let me do something that gives me my power back.”

Upon reflection over this summer, I realized taking control of my situation in the way I was was not giving me the certainty I so desperately wanted, but further establishing more problems that, as you can guess, led to change and things out of my control. Once realized, I attempted to take a step back from everything I was feeling. Searching for a distraction from looking my problems in life in the eye. I had fallen into the trap of false control yet again. I felt as though I could not win. If I tried to “take my power back,” it backfired. If I tried to act like my problems did not exist, it only made me feel worse. This avoidant-anxious approach has always been a consistent way of handling misfortune in my life.

An unlikely consideration of being two sides of the same coin, my anxiousness or avoidantness always led to the same outcome: a loss of hope. I tried the anxious approach to handle my change, I tried the avoidant approach to handle my change, I think I needed a hobby.

A hard truth I had to accept this summer is that suffering is unavoidable, we can consume all the self help books or videos to teach us how to deal in our suffering but the only true way is to accept, and continue to live a life that is not hampered by your tragedy but actively shaped by it, and displayed through the lens in which you view the world.

3.) We’ve discussed community and radical acceptance as ways you have approached the challenges of change. What else would you tell someone who is in a similar situation and is unsure of how they will/ can move forward?

One thing I know to be true is that wherever you go, there you are. Which, in so many words, simply means you will never be able to outrun yourself or your problems. Something numerous people I have encountered throughout my life have tried, none of whom I have known to be successful in doing so. To that I say, attempt to become comfortable being uncomfortable, try to become comfortable with life being your mirror, and rest assured that one is never defined by their travesties but what they make out of them.

I watched an interview with Toni Morrison this summer, where she advises listeners that the best approach you can take to navigating your life as beautifully and fearfully as possible is to attempt. So every day, I attempt. By no means do I think I have been magically warped into a perfect person, but in my attempts, I did something that we often shy away from — I faced myself.

With each passing day, I continued to face myself so much that I befriended my shadow. The fear of what lies on the other side of my life, experiences, or self is one that I no longer antagonize, but welcome, for I know whatever is to come will one day be another companion throughout my journey. So, I deeply encourage everyone to do the hard thing, for it may reward you in ways beyond what you can imagine.